dear wanderers of the internet, how are your journeys from this island i call my home?
i took some time off to discover if i am doomed to live as stranded castaway. during my sabbatical, i have been studying mathematical models, reading physics articles, and writing a book about my journey.
turns out my life will always believe in its purpose. my  mind must think, my body must move, and my choice has to be made.  there are consequences far outreaching this blog. is understanding my autism a failure of social mores?  can science answer my quest?
i am immediately resuming my struggle going forward. idea to blog was born out of  necessity. 
in typing the futile efforts of my neurons are made manifest. i assume particles of my existence are temporary. 
however my words fathom eternity. 
friends lets continue our struggles, momentum in life . more to come.

q

how do autistic people have breakdowns. driving myself scared to death never bothering to notice my capricious behavior has sacrificed my ecrued best interest. behind my reality lies another truth . man denies his true nature assuming he has power over heaven and earth . but we are mere machines time weakens. continually I struggle with my sensory algorithms. can the matter be macro governance of neurological functioning. determine all behavior has developed from my thought matrix and neural bonds.

mankind correlates language to words however, ideas, emotions, reflect inner language. going from vocalizations to speech language involves more structural control of reality. that is concentration to formulate answer in line with my cognition. my stimulations say another language. translation of stims competes with sensory language while my thoughts vye for attention. greatest challenge is to cross hemispheres brain given my split brain isolates behaviors and intelligence.  

common man robot is alien
nature biome deviates
does night claim god heaven

corruption birth of existence
game rules break  code of design
animal instinct ornate acceptance

that says a lot about how I think. my mind itself races on to make connections about random things.
data emersion is so intense I feel overwhelmed. my sensory  makeup totally tears house members apart.
I cant stop screaming and crying and tv watching. each day enters in my existence like a dragon, breaking and
setting fire to my intentions.  

 Currently science has made a transitory theory on  how
matter and energy are interrelated. This is called String Theory. According to this
theory,beyond the barriers of time and space lye other dimensions. Centuries ago shamans postulated many
  universes to exist. Now we understand eleven total, including time, exist according to String Theory or M-theory.  These dimensions include many universes that coexist, camouflaged by
ether- like strings of matter and energy. Carrying all existence, these strings
vibrate becoming a symphony of portentous, multitudinous realities (Nova-The
Elegant Universe). Matter and energy are created by different frequencies or
amplitudes of these strings or particles. String theory has at its core, a
calculation of gravity at the quantum level, giving forces a framework to exist 
"Now all forces -electromagnetic,
weak, strong, and gravitational- can exist in quantum and relativistic universes"
(Brian Green: Making Sense of String theory.) So this theory attempts to
reconcile Einstein's theories with modern quantum mechanics.  
            
However, the theory hardly passes the test of validity. There are many
questions left unanswered:
String theory cannot be tested or observed on a grand scale or at high
energy states, so can it be called a theory if it cannot be tested ?
How are strings held together?
Can it surmise how existence evolved?
How many more dimensions may enter each dimension?
Do black holes enter into the theory?
Can string theory then surmise how blastomas of neutron stars excite
into white holes?
Each tangential particle has an initial energy...so demonstration of
its conservation into matter is done how?
What exists beyond space and time?
How does our universe maintain its physical form?

These are challenges.

I propose a new way of looking at universe. All creation is
based on fractal geometry.
Man has always looked for answers, but always ignored beauty and simplicity.
Replication is a constant of creation and both electromagnetic, weak, strong and
gravitational forces mirror this reality. 
So geometry of dimensions determines the constants of universal
regulation.
Levels of, degrees of, complexity exist, which determine frequencies of
universal constants. Space has congruencies.  Like the mathematical conundrum- the
Koch snowlake- the universe has a rough infinite perimeter which is quantum, and
a smooth finite area. More complex dimensions may exist in accordance to 
fractal geometry. Each force is magnified as the complexity and evolution increases.
The design of cosmos may intertwine solid matter with energy.
Elements attracted particles and compacted into material for
  construction of matter. Cosmos did not start or end with a bang...time can
be thought of as a linear encapsulating construct of the human
  mind.
The cosmos can be thought of as a continuum- it subsists without
defined boundaries. All existence is constantly evolving, the expansion opposed by fine
limits of material exegenesis and determination. This has consequences, m-theory cant be
likened to my theory, as my theory looks at the universe as existing in various
degrees of complexity of being. Yes, String Theory can explain relationships,
but has no relative answer to where universe is going or where its been.

In conclusion, String Theory is a leading scientific theory on the
reality of existence. It particularly examines defined relationships between
matter and energy in both quantum and relativistic terms. 
However, complex flaws exist in its
principles.